Girl & Boy

Once there was a girl swan and a boy swan. Actually, there were no swans.. it was just a girl and a boy.

They met and fell in love (like in the movies) and lived happily ever after.

Beep me on my beeper.

I don't know what I would do without my iPhone.

Patience is a virtue, apparently.

I am so patient. Not that I want to be, I just force myself to believe that whoever I’m waiting for will be one more minute. Just one more minute.

On the weekend, myself and another over-imaginative human being were sitting in a car and waiting for what felt like an eternity in a strange neighbourhood. A lot of bases were touched during this lengthy period though, and for a whole day afterwards – my mind was in overdrive.

Firstly: Why is Beau taking so long? What if he has been cut into ten pieces? No, actually he has been hypnotised by the Indian family to think that they are his new family, and if we go inside to get him he will say: “Who are you? Mum, Dad, get these people out of our house!” And then what if we drive back to The Coast to inform his parents of what has happened and for them to intervene only to be met with: “Who is Beau? What are you talking about? And who the fuck are you?” Slowly we start to realise that nobody knows who we are and we don’t actually exist.

But wait, we do exist and everybody in the whole world is after our heads! A $100-trillion bounty – how long would we survive?

Back to reality and time to make a phone call: “Have you been hypnotised by the Indians?” No. Thank goodness, we were starting to get worried.

Secondly: I wonder what it would be like to be a tree? Not just any tree though, it has to be one of those big ancient trees that creak and are a-thousand years old. Humans would seem so fast to them, it would be one big blur. It would also be fairly depressing not being able to do anything besides… be a standing up piece of wood. For goodness’ sake, cut me down!

Thirdly: Would you give up your right pinky for three-day weekends for the rest of your life? Yes.

Fourthly: I got out of the car and tried to move the car with my mind.

Lastly: And by far the best thing that came out of this particular Saturday afternoon: “Were you aware of where the werewolf would wear what we’re wearing?”

This seasons' MUST-HAVE item

In my opinion, I feel that it is of great importance for everyone to rush out and purchase one of these. It will keep you warm, and finally you can let the world know how you feel.

Two birds, one stone.

A picture can paint a thousand words.

Looking at these picture makes me happy, especially the first.

My Greatest Fear.

Many people suffer from a great fear of the eight-legged beasts, but I truly believe that one day an Army of spiders will descend upon me, and kill me. It may have been one of two horrific encounters that led me on the path to extreme Arachnophobia:

1) My Papa handed down to me a very cosy dressing gown which had been hanging in his (rather sparse) wardrobe for many years. I was chuffed, and wasted no time in draping myself in this bottle-green monstrocity and parading in front of the Family. I reached into the pockets, perhaps hoping to find some long lost treasure, only to retrieve a hairy, black, gigantic spider. Frozen like something that is frozen, the Spider crawled up my gangly arm, no doubt headed towards my precious head, to pierce me in the eyes with its venomous tentacula. My delayed reflexes enabled me to flick off Mr Spider before he got this far and he scuttled off into the unknown, never to be seen again.

2) After a long day at the beach with My Dear Family, I was given the grisly task of hanging our sandy towels up to dry. This would have been a simple chore if it weren't for the fact that our new pergola was inundated with Red-Back Spiders. I put on a brave face and slid out of the laundry door and began pegging away. Upon completion of the towel-hanging, I felt such relief and went to dash back inside only to find a locked door. All of a sudden the pergola, in all its spidery goodness, was closing in on me and I felt like there was no escape. My older sister stood laughing at me while I pounded my fists on the glass sliding door, tears streaming down my face, my palpitating heart almost to the point of explosion. Lucky for me, my good Mother stepped in and saved the day.

Another close escape.

With every spidery encounter, my fear of the freakish fiends climbs up a few notches. In fact, whilst perusing the Internet for an Image to complement this post, I almost died. I finally found an Origami Spider, so at least I know this one won't jump out of my computer and eat me.

He turned into a monkey but it wasn't a great surprise, he had strong monkey genes from the very beginning...

Once upon a time there were two girls and for privacy reasons we will call them Ellen Degeneres and Mariah Carey. Once a week, Ellen and Mariah would get together and hang out with their mutual buddy, Ringo. Mariah often found these games to be very tiring, and no matter how hard she tried to stay awake, every weeknight slumber party ended prematurely for Mariah because of her heavy eyelids.

One particular evening the pair were engulfed in so much laughter, they felt it was necessary to compile a list of all the hilarious things which occured.

^ I've just had a really bad day.
^ Don't even worry, it's in black & white.
^ I just burped.
^ If she comes past, I'll eat one.
^ She's got a furry bag - like Clueless.
^ This is the best cigarette I've ever had.
^ Should we put the cigarette on the list?

To anyone else, this list may seem rather meaningless, but let me tell you: I sincerely hope that everyone has a friendship at some stage in their life, as beautiful as the one Ellen Degeneres & Mariah Carey share.

A lot of love.